Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
