I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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