I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize