fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
