Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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