could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
