why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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