When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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