More tranny stories later!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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