I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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