I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
