If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
