Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize