Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
operation harelip BJ is a go
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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