How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
