I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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