Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
