How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
