Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
