you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
