No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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