I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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