im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
nutella sex= disaster
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
