This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
