Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
