So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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