mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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