Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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