in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
