You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
jump out the window naked night went bad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
