I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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