she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
