I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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