You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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