Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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