Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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