YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
