Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
