You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
