His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
