No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
