I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
