I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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