The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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