I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
