I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
