Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
