I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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