I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
