First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
