I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
