I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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