I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
