whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
