I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
