I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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