his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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