she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
