New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to calm my uterus...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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