My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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