woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
