we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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