Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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