At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
