Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
