im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
