Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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