Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize