She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
