I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
