I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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